Blog - Paper 2 Question 1
1 a
Guide for New Students
New stuff
The school has gone through a huge transformation! It has gotten expensive upgrades. A brand new shiny gymnasium with six retractable basketball hoops. Brand new bathrooms that look just as stunning as the Marriott bathrooms. And obviously a brand new school, with a more modern style with shades of blue for the manta ray mascot.
Clubs
Clubs at MIA include: Chess club, Japanese club, Key Club, Science National Honors Society, Spanish National Honors Society, National Honors Society, Fishing Club, Interact, Student Government, Yearbook Club, Newspaper Club, Thespians, Coding club (inactive), and finally Table Top Club.
Sports
There are many sports at MIA. Popular sports include soccer, basketball, baseball, football, volleyball. These are pretty standard though in every high school so it does not make us stand out from the rest.
Academics
Although MIA stands out the most in academics. The school does not have any option to choose AP classes. But, MIA offers AICE curriculum which can allow students to get their AICE diploma which could allow them to get their Bright Futures scholarship. (Bright Futures helps with paying off tuition and other expenses for universities/colleges in Florida.)
Do not stress
There is a lot of stress/challenge that comes from high school especially so it is important to not focus on the stress while you are at this school since there will be many obstacles such as clubs or sports or classes that get in the way of your personal life. But staying positive will get you through those difficult times.
Plan ahead
“Fail to plan? Plan to fail.” Words of wisdom from Scalia (a teacher at MIA). This quotation sums up the most important and logical step to take as you enter our high school or any others. In order to succeed at this highschool as well as any other, you will need to plan ahead by giving yourself a good foundation to soar off from. I am referring to a great GPA since this GPA will determine the colleges/universities that you will be able to attend. You will also have a great opportunity to collect plenty of community service hours by coming to MIA through one particular club (Key Club) which can help you graduate with your high school diploma.
b
The form of my response was in the proper form of a leaflet. This is seen through the usage of a title at the very beginning of the response and the usage of subheadings just before every paragraph. Which is seen specifically through the title of “Guide for New Students” and the subheadings of “New stuff”, “Clubs”, “Do not stress”, and others.Which are typical of leaflets.
My response also has clear paragraphing. This is seen by the consistent short paragraphs that I have in my response which I did in order to replicate the structure of a leaflet once again.
My response is at times in second person voice and at other times it is in first person. Which is very weird and is not very smart to do. It is better to stick to only one point of view. I did this by accident cause I was kind of unsure on which perspective to do for the leaflet.
My response also includes a specific use of imperative through the usage of the sub heading of “Do not stress”. I did this in order to get more of an intimate effect on the reader in order to get them (the new students) to get a feel of how easy going the students could possibly be in the school. And to give them the feeling that this advice is sincere.
AO2: 6 Marks
ReplyDeleteAs I read through your response in part A, I could see that you had a clear expression of your ideas with some language range but an interrupted flow and common structures/lexis. I say this because there are a few areas within your response that seem choppy and strange. This leads into the frequent errors bullet, as there are some that should be made aware. For example, there are instances in which part of a sentence requires a comma, but instead a period is in place of it and the following sentence begins with 'and.' This, although it isn't a major issue, is done a few times throughout. However, it does not impede what you are trying to communicate, which is why I'm placing my score for you at the highest in Level 2. (6 marks) What's great about this response is that your text is organized with your ideas clearly and concisely. However, the task is not fully achieved. The prompt is to give advice to the student, and although you did in the 5th paragraph, you didn't in the first 4. It felt as if I was reading a tour guide to the school rather than a leaflet of advice. I found that I did this same exact thing in my blog as well, so its something that can be worked on for the both of us :)
AO3: 4 Marks
We all fell short on this one. Everything that you stated in your commentary made complete sense, and is all true in my opinion. However, at times it felt a bit repetitive, as you mentioned similar things in the first two paragraphs of your commentary. Besides this, I believe that you had a limited analysis of form, structure, and/or language. I believe with just a little more development in your commentary, it could easily achieve a level 3. Similarly, I believe that you had a limited analysis of your stylistic choices that related to the audience and shaped meaning. Overall, it was a high level 2 response in my opinion.
AO2: 7/15 marks
ReplyDeleteYou show clear expression and complex structures in your writing. The format of the writing is written well towards the structure of the leaflet. You did a good job making the text flow and easy to follow as you use subheadings. There was a good amount of errors throughout the text. Some spelling errors are, “The school does not have any option…” the word ‘any’ should be changed to ‘an’. The word ‘highschool’ should be separated. There are many grammatical errors where there are commas and hyphens needed as well as a colon needs to be taken away. The text is organised well as the subheadings break up the paragraphs well and make it easy for the reader to follow. The task is on topic and the content is relevant.
AO3: 3/10
You state some things in your text but all the paragraphs could have been fit into one. In the analysis you want to be very explanatory and express why you used certain information in your writing. Don’t just talk about the structure also state the language and word choice you used in the text. Also be more detailed in saying that you used lists, complex sentences and so on.
Overall 10/25 marks
A02 for this I would give you a score of 7 marks, You had the right structure for this blog and wrote it in a interesting way, but I noticed that while reading some sentences felt long and dull and made me a little bit bored, a example of a sentence like this is “There is a lot of stress/challenge that comes from high school especially so it is important to not focus on the stress while you are at this school since there will be many obstacles such as clubs or sports or classes that get in the way of your personal life”. I felt like this sentence was way to long and it almost took up the whole paragraph. Something that you did well was your structure and the fact that you developed your ideas very well and clearly.
ReplyDeleteAO3- For this I would give you a score of 3 marks. Like scalia said, we all really messed up on part b and even though you explained your leaflet, it lacked enough words and was very vague and limited analysis