Blog - Paper 1, Question 1
Usain Bolt STRIKES through the competition at the Olympics!
Bolt became an Olympic champion on the field for the 100 metres. He defeated the other competitors of the race with a brand new World Record.
The Beginning of the Beginning!
During the first few seconds, Bolt was worried about Richard Thompson as he escaped from the blocks (where his feet are planted) because he got a startling start that outshined even the greatest sprinters. Bolt made sure to keep an eye on him while he ran. Bolt however is not superhuman, so he made a mistake and stumbled but he was used to these sorts of setbacks so he quickly adjusted to it.
The Transition to the End!
He kept going through the race by paying close attention to his competitors and also by staying relaxed in the race. As he glided through the track, he gained speed and got away from Thompson and the rest of the crowd, but he was confused as to why Asafa wasn’t there. That was when Bolt realized that he won the race.
The autobiography contains striking headlines that grab your attention through the use of onomatopoeia which is shown by the use of the words ‘Bang!’ and ‘Pow!’ which can also be seen as a representation of the sound that can be made from the stomping of people’s feet. So you can kind of imagine Usain Bolt himself striking the ground with his powerful feet in order to win the race.
The autobiography is also structured into small paragraphs that go under the headlines and the paragraphs themselves are organized chronologically in order to give the audience the sense that they are experiencing the event that Usain Bolt himself went through as well.
My newspaper report is also structured similarly to the autobiography because it is condensed into small paragraphs that go under headlines and it also goes in chronological order since it would make more sense to the reader.
My newspaper report shares this characteristic with the autobiographical extract because I also include similar striking headlines that try to grab the attention of the audience because I am trying to get them to continue reading and not just read it for the important stuff and then leave.
The autobiography contains the first person perspective which is typical of autobiographies. This is shown by the continued use of the letter ‘I’.
My newspaper report does not share this characteristic because I tried to go with more of a third-person perspective instead since I am not Usain Bolt.
The autobiography also focuses on one key event the whole time. This is typical of autobiographies in general. This is mentioned by ‘100 metres’, ‘I’m gonna win this race!’
My newspaper report also does this because my whole article is focused on the race where Usain Bolt won and ended up getting a World Record as well as a personal one.
The autobiography also uses certain language like the word ‘peeped’ when a more simple word like ‘looked’ could have been used.
The autobiography also contains the word ‘bredder’ which means brother in Jamaica which is a reference to Usain Bolt’s culture. Which can be seen as important to him since he is running for his country of Jamaica and using certain words from the language.
My newspaper report contrasts with the autobiography due to this reason; they contrast because my report does not include any references to culture.
The autobiography also has an informal tone because it uses words like ‘dude’ and ‘chill’. This also sets up a tone of openness with the audience because the audience sees that the writer of the autobiography is using a casual tone
The newspaper report that I created did not include this type of informal tone and was more of a formal tone since I did not use casual vocabulary.
Hello Cory,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you had written your responses for these questions. For part I liked how you separated each section with a different headline like a newspaper would do. I think that a few sentences however made the article very confusing because a reporter at the Olympics would not know some of the information you had mentioned, like “As he glided through the track, he gained speed and got away from Thompson and the rest of the crowd, but he was confused as to why Asafa wasn’t there.” I believe that you deserved 4 marks for AO1 because of the useful information that you provided. For AO2 i would give you 3 marks because of the information that you had described that was not known to reporters.
For part b i think that you had also done a very good job. I like the comparisons between the two articles in back to back paragraphs on the same topic. I think that you went very in depth about the striking headlines in your newspaper and mentioned it a few times.I liked the variety and the comparisons between the form structure and language of the two articles. I would give you 4 marks for AO1 and 7 marks for AO3. I think that you could have used a few more quotes to show the different types of form, structure and language that you had mentioned. Overall great Job!
Hey Cory,
ReplyDeleteYour writing for response A was very good. Your form was unique because of the multiple headings throughout the writing. It was clear that you had a detailed understanding of the text, by the way that you describe each event of the race. You referred to multiple aspects of the text, therefore your AO1 score is a 4. The way you expressed your ideas were very good and you used emotive words such as “outshined” and “worried” in order to entertain the reader. Your AO2 score is a 4.
Your writing for response B was also very good. You compared and contrasted the form, structure, and language of both writings and you provided many examples from the text. Your AO1 score was a 4. You were very detailed in your analysis of the text, and all aspects of it. Your AO3 score was an 8.
Good Job
Hello,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your response A part AO1, I would give you a level 3 because you had a clear understanding of the text as you used headlines like in the newspaper. This made your newspaper report strong because it had a great flow. Although, I believe you did good, you had some sentences that were out of place and did not make any sense. For example, “As he glided through the track, he gained speed and got away from Thompson and the rest of the crowd, but he was confused as to why Asafa wasn’t there. That was when Bolt realized that he won the race.” Bolt being worried that Thompson was going to win does not correlate with Asafa being out of sight. I believe your last paragraph could have been stronger if you worded it differently.
As for AO2, I would also give you a level 3 because for the most part it all flowed well except for the last paragraph. The content was there but you could have addressed the audience more in order to make them keep reading.
After reading part B in AO1, I would give you a level 4 because you showed detailed understanding of the text as you went back and grabbed words like ‘chill’ and ‘peeped’ as well as explaining why they chose those words to describe what was going on. You showed detailed understanding of the text because through your blog, both parts A and B, were written in similar structure as Usain Bolt’s biographical extract. Matching the structure of your writing to the one of the extract was very smart of you, that did not even cross my mind. Good job.